My Monster

I had a monster that lived under my bed.
(You know the one, he had horns on his head.)

Well, he’s gone! Vanished. Poof! Into the sky.
He’s left me alone and I think I know why.

It was all that kerfuffle that went on last night
I’m sure that it gave him a terrible fright.

He was minding his business, just picking at fluff.
He’d arranged my old gum –‘one more chew’ or ‘too tough’.

He’d sorted my socks, had them neatly in pairs…
When he heard a big bump on the tread of the stairs.

He curled up in a corner and he tucked in his knees.
He lay very still and he held in a sneeze.

If Mum hadn’t looked where she shouldn’t have peeked,
If she’d left my gum wrappers, she wouldn’t have shrieked.

And if she hadn’t screamed and gone off her tree,
There’d still be us…my monster and me.

Mum says that the monster had never been there,
It was just an old pillow that gave her a scare.

She said it had been there for weeks-“What a sight!”
-and it was that, not a monster, that gave her a fright.

Well, I’m not coming out from under these covers
Till my monster comes back, despite meddling mothers.

Thar She Blows!

I ate some chips and chocolate
Chowed down on cheddar cheese
I had parsley, pies and pumpkin
And a pot of mushy peas.

I gorged on goose and gravy
Grossed out on gumbo greens
I shovelled in some shellfish
And ten tangy tangerines.

I reached out for a smidgen more
But my tummy roared and rumbled
It swelled up like a big balloon
It groaned… It growled… It grumbled.

“Look out! She’s going to blow!” they called
And they scattered, far and wide,
Before my tum erupted…
And lost all it had inside.

Dippy Eggs

Eggs for dinner
One Two Three
Here’s some more, come and see

Four Five Six
They’re brown and fat
Put them into Poppy’s hat

Check the nest
Of big black hen
Now there’s Seven Eight Nine Ten

We’ll have them boiled
With dippy toast
For dinner I like eggs the most

My Pigeon

My pigeon just pooped on my teacher
‘Plop’ down the end of his nose
It slid to the tip
Then dropped on his lip
And pooled in the hair on his toes.